tighter…

Words betray me these days…
They prefer to be with you instead…
So many things that I want to say…
But all I have is a Boyzone song…

I love the way you love me…

I love how it makes me hold my pillow tighter…

– zeejester 07022107 eleven to eleven

inadequate…

Sometimes…
I too question why I set such high standards for myself…
To a point where I end up hurting…
People see it as impractical…
Hypocritical even…

But you see…
For me, that is the only way to live…
And if my struggle to be who I am…
Measures me lacking by this world’s standards…

Then call me inadequate…
But this is me…

– zeejester 06212017 twenty eight past eleven

paumanhin…

paano kung ikaw na pala ang huli…
ang huling tao na hinayaan niyang makita siyang mahina…
ang huling taong hinayaan niyang makita ang durog na niyang puso…

at ang tanging tugon mo ay katahimikan?

patuloy na titibok ang kanyang puso…
pero pagod na itong sumugal…
pagod na itong magmahal…

hindi ikaw ang una…
pero ikaw na ang huli…
paumanhin sa istorbo…

– zeejester 04232017 eleven

masks…

Sometimes, there are conversations that you’re not sure you had…

So kumusta ka na?

Okay naman..

Can you expound on you being okay..

Going through a lot pero I’m hanging on.

We are all going through a lot, but the moment we give up then we stop living right?

Hindi ka ba nauubusan ng positivity?

I do!
But sometimes we all wear masks for the people we love.
We try to be strong in front of them to give them the strength to move on. And only we know the masks we wear.
We are the ones who truly know the real pain we feel.


Where the only thing that would betray you would be your eyes…
if only someone would care enough to look deeper…

– zeejester 04202015 eleven past ten

Thank You…

He brought his niece inside the church and asked her to pray with him.
He made the sign of the cross.
She followed.
He clasped his hands together.
She did the same.
He closed his eyes.
She did as well.

After praying, he opened his eyes and looked at her and made the sign of the cross.
She did the same.

They sat down.

“What did you pray for?” He asked.
“I prayed for my tooth to grow fast.”

She then flashed a smile.

“This one.” She pointed at her missing incisor. “Tito, what does the cross mean? Our teacher asked that to us yesterday.”

“Well… It’s a reminder that God loves us.”
“Oh… I had a different answer Tito. But you’re right I think. You’re older.”
“Not necessarily palangga. What did you answer?”
“Well, the cross is like a letter ‘T’ and Papa Jesus is like a ‘Y’ so it is like TY and TY is Thank You. So for me, it means Thank You.”

He hugged her. Truly, the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to these little ones.

– zeejester 04172017 eighteen to ten

Babala…

Nung bata pa ako, nahilig ako sa mga kuwento ng kababalaghan at katatakutan. Karamihan ng bata yata ay ganun.

Multo, aswang, engkanto, mangkukulam, halimaw, at iba pa.
Linawin ko lang yung parte tungkol sa halimaw. Hindi ito yung kaibigang mong kuripot na halimaw – kurimaw. O yung gurimaw – kaibigan mong parang gorilla na halimaw. Para malinaw lang.

Balik ako sa kuwento.

May panahon pa nga na halos lahat ng mga pelikula ay tungkol sa kanila.

May naalala akong kuwento kanina. Ang mga halimaw at iba pang nilalang ng kababalaghan daw ay may sinusunod na batas. Rules of engagement kumbaga. Halimbawa, kapag may nakaumbok na lupa tapos nagsabi ka ng “tabi-tabi po,” ligtas ka. O kaya naman, kapag nagsusunog ka ng plastic, lalayo sila.

Ang totoo niyan, may mas malalim na kahulugan yung sa pagsunog ng plastic. Ang mga lamang-lupa ay siyempre mula sa lupa at parte ng kalikasan. Kaya ayaw nila ng pollution. They’re environmentally sensitive that way. May halimaw ka na bang nabalitaan na sumisira ng kagubatan? Wala! Tao ang gumagawa ‘nun.

May iba ring nakasaad sa kanilang batas na technicality ang inaayos. Ito ay para malinaw ang mga dapat at hindi dapat gawin. Hindi tulad ng mga abogado ngayon, kapag sinimulan ng “technically” yung sentence alam mong may halong kasinungalingan ang pinagsasabi.

Balik ako sa rules of engagement.

Halimbawa, hindi dapat branded ang hinihithit ng kapre. Hindi dapat branded yung diaper ng tyanak, dapat lampin lang na puti. At walang malinaw na brand sa top ng manananggal.

Rules of engagement.

Ang mga halimaw daw ay may kanya-kanyang teritoryo. Ito yung isang bagay na natutunan ng tao sa kanila. Kaya tignan mo sa Pilipinas, may kanya-kanya tayong halimaw. May mga balwarte sila. May halimaw na taga-Maynila. May halimaw na taga-Norte. May halimaw na taga-Sur. Yung iba, naging presidente pa.

Balik ako sa kuwento.

Dahil may kanya-kanya silang teritoryo, may rules of engagement. Hindi ka nila pwedeng galawin basta-basta. Kailangan nilang bigyan ka ng babala na nakapasok ka na sa teritoryo nila. Pwedeng malakas na hanging bigla ba lang iihip. O pagpagaspas ng dahon kahit walang hangin. Alulong ng hayop na parang malapit pero parang malayo.

Kapag tumuloy ka, pumayag ka na. Pero alam niyo ba kung ano ang pinakamatinding babala? Ito ay kapag nataon ka sa isang pagtitipon.

Gaya ng kasal ng tikbalang.

Ang pinakamatinding babala:
Ito ay kapag nag-anyong tao na sila. Nakatungkod at tila matanda.

“Huwag kayong magpapaabot ng kagat ng dilim sa lugar na ito.”

Tapos bigla na lang itong maglalaho.

– zeejester 04092017 twenty past five